Part II: Sharm El Sheikh
Clinton: Welcome back kids. Barack stayed home to focus on his square-dancing lessons and dupe some environmentalists.
Abbas: Bless his heart. We’re not too concerned about the environment in Palestine either.
Netanyahu: That’s OK Hillary â€“ I think that you can handle this.
Clinton: Thank you Bibi. You start.
Netanyahu: I have one demand before we begin!
Abbas: What’s that? â€“ umm, Hillary could you please put down the hookah for a second â€“ it is rather distracting.
Clinton: But I wanted to Walk Like an Egyptian. haha.
(Netanyahu shoots her a strange look)
(Abbas takes the hookah out of her hand)
Netanyahu: I demand that the Palestinians recognize Israel as a Jewish state!
Abbas: A Jewish State?
Clinton: (coughs) A wha?
Netanyahu: Yes! A Jewish state.
Abbas: haha. That is ridiculous! But the Muslims! The Christiansâ€¦oh my, oh my.
Netanyahu: Well Mahmoud, firstly I find it a double-standard to demand a Palestinian State where Jews are not allowed to build settlements, alongside a Jewish state where Muslims, Christians, Druze and whoever, are given complete liberty to do as they please. Even serve in our Knesset!
Abbas: Why youâ€”
Netanyahu: Hold on Mahmoud. Hillary, PLEASE PUT DOWN THE HOOKAH! I have something else to say. There will be no extension to a halt on West Bank housing!
Abbas: But you saidâ€”
Netanyahu: I made no promises!
Hillary: That means no spaceship Benjamin!
Netanyahu: So be it! No spaceship! The settlements are more important!
Abbas: No building freeze no deal!
Netanyahu: With all due respect Mahmoud, Israel really does not need anything from you in order to thrive. Hamas poses as big a threat to your own people as it does to mine!
Abbas: I cannot control what Hamâ€”
Netanyahu: You’ll learn to control it!
Hillary: That’s enough! Benjamin you are beingâ€”
(Abbas jumps over the table and begins to choke Netanyahu)
Hillary: Ahh, help help, Mahmoud is trying to kill Bibi!
Netanyahu: GETâ€¦YOURâ€¦HANDSâ€¦OFFâ€¦.MY THROAT MAN!
(fixes his tie)
Netanyahu: This is ridiculous. You cannot expect me to make a deal with an animal! What should I build a zoo for you?
Hillary: Benjamin! Be reasonable!
Netanyahu: You want reason? We do not even have a seat in the United Nations. Now I ask YOU Miss Secretary of State, is THAT reasonable?
Hillary: What’s that got to do with it?
Netanyahu: You two are nuts! Listen, the United Nations partitioned a “Jewish State” in 1947 alongside an Arab State. I think you two will recall UN GA Resolution 181! The Arabs are the ones who refused it!
Abbas: (lunges at Benjamin againâ€¦Hillary holds him back) I will remember nothing you liar!
Hillary: (eyes roll and shrugs helplessly at the sky as if IT provides the answer) Oy voy voy, this is going no where!