Tel Aviv Celebrates Super Bowl Win

February 6th, 2008 Maurice

Big Apple N.Y. Giant fans weren’t the only ones celebrating their team’s stunning 17-14 upset over a heavily favored New England Patriot team. At a late Sunday night Super Bowl party in central Tel Aviv, at least a hundred of us gathered at a local brewery to eat hot dogs, chili, and nachos, and wash them down with unlimited glasses of “home made” suds. The party began at 10 p.m. as the Super Bowl LVII pre-game show begin to air, complete with high spirits, a live blue grass music band, and, of course, the beer.

Americans, Israelis, and other NFL football fans didn’t seem to mind the noise and long lines at the “comfort stations” as well as fact the kick-off for the annual sports classic only began at 1:30 a.m. local time.

From a personal standpoint, and after seeing a lot of Super Bowl classics through the years, This game was one of the best ever, and was one of the lowest scored. New England came into the game with a perfect season record and was at least a 3-1 favorite over the Giants who had lost six games during the regular season. But like many sports events, as the old saying goes, “its only over when it’s over”; and nothing proved so true than this game. What was really interesting was the duel between the two opposing quarterbacks, Eli Manning of the Giants, and Tom Brady of the Patriots. Manning, who has often been referred to as the “little brother” of his sibling, Peyton Manning, who is the Indy Colts star quarterback; was so flawless that he was awarded the game’s most valuable player award afterwards. The fact that the Giants were able to pull out the win with only 39 seconds remaining in the game was really outstanding.

What inspired me the most was the idea that the Giants never gave up and due to their winning spirit were able to snatch a victory from the “jaws of defeat”. This brings to mind something said by one of the greatest NFL coaches ever, Vince Lombardi, who coached the Green Bay Packers to several Super Bowel triumphs. Vince said that when two teams met to play against each other, both were equally capable of winning from a physical standpoint. What won out in the end was one team’s mental resolve to win over the other team – in other words, its winning attitude. Judging from the outcome of Sunday’s game, no truer words have ever been spoken!

As for us fans, the idea that we stayed glued to the big sized game screen till 4:30 a.m. was something in itself. But it was well worth it, and the game’s exciting outcome should be an inspiration to us all.

Simple Logic

February 4th, 2008 Guest

I’m curious about a matter of simple logic.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but to my mind there is no city anywhere on earth that is the capital city of either two states or countries. Are we trying to re-invent the wheel?

Just how you can divide the city of Jerusalem (which is already the capital of Israel) to become the capital of another state?

No precedent, certainly no logic and a simply unworkable exercise. With this level of muddled thinking we’ll never find a solution to our search for a just and lasting peace.

What happened to Middle East logic?

Rather Muddle East!

Yossie - Kfar Saba

Omri On His Way to Jail

January 30th, 2008 Editor

Omri SharonOmri Sharon, Airik Sharon’s elder son and former Likud Party Knesset member, lost out on his latest appeal of what is now going to be a 7 month term in the hoosegow for campaign funds manipulation and other similar crimes. Sharon, who has tried to prevent his incarceration by claiming he is constantly at the bedside of his still comatose father, will be allowed two visits to his father per week during the sentence which is now slated to begin on February 27.

In addition to the prison sentence, Sharon also has to pay a N.S. 300,000 fine, equivalent to around $65,000.

During his father’s last re-election campaign, Omri is alleged to have received illegal campaign contributions on behalf of this father which were used in a manner not allowed under Israeli political campaign rules. Omri was also involved in other questionable activities which may also have gone back to the so-called “Greek Island Affair” in which his brother, Gilad was said to have been involved in concerning the purchase of a couple of small Greek islands for use as tourism resorts catering to Israeli holiday makers.

Omri was said to have used monies for paying off people involved in acts of political favoritism as well, and some of these activities were even recorded by hidden TV cameras and used on local reality TV shows covering crime investigations.

Ariel Sharon is still languishing in a vegetative state where he has been for more than two years. Nearly 80, it is highly unlikely that he will ever regain consciousness and his present state has helped keep Omri from meeting his prison sentence date. Omri did succeed in having his sentence reduced by two months, which makes his sentence only slightly longer than American cooking show host Martha Stewart had when she served five months for inside stock trading.

Omri will probably not be thrown in with super hardened criminals, and will most likely be sent to a minimum security facility to serve
his sentence, similar to what happened to another former politician, Arieh Deryeh. Recent Video clips of Omri show that he has grown hair again on his once bald head, a possible indication that he fears what might happen to him in prison if he looks too much like a “pretty boy” to fellow inmates, especially those with “one gender orientation”. Seven months isn’t the end of the world, although with a prison record, Omri’s possible return to politics will be a bit doubtful. He can spend most of his time at the Sharon Ranch, taking care of his father’s sheep and cattle, and even venture into some private business dealings, where his particular expertise in wheeler dealing will be appreciated.

Fashionably Late: The Beatles Will Play in Israel

January 29th, 2008 Maurice

Fashionably Late: The Beatles Will Play in IsraelMore than 42 years after their initial Israel concert was canceled by government authorities, the two remaining members of the original Beatles have been invited to perform here during Israel’s 60th anniversary celebrations. Present government officials extended the invitations to Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, along with an official apology for canceling the original concert which would have taken place when the British pop group was at the height of their international fame.

There appear to be many versions as to why the 1965 concert was canceled at the last moment; but for the most part, the main reasons were that officials were afraid that the screaming fans would cause severe damage to the newly completed Hechal Hatarbut cultural center in Tel Aviv (located by the Habima Theater), and that the Finance Ministry was afraid there wouldn’t be enough foreign currency to pay the mop-haired group after Israeli Lirot was converted into either Pounds Sterling or U.S. Dollars. Both reasons seem a bit weak when looking back on the subject. The main reason might have been that the Ministry of Culture didn’t seem to think that the pop music quartet wasn’t of a high enough cultural standard to perform along with the likes of classical music greats like American violinist Isaac Stern.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that there wasn’t any “tele” (as the Brits call it) in Israel at the time in order to broadcast the event; and that the Labor led socialist folk in the government didn’t want to corrupt the innocent young minds that were being groomed to some day lead the country to great academic and cultural heights, despite being completely surrounded by Arabs who wanted to push an even smaller and more fragile Israel into the depths of the Mediterranean Sea. After all, the Six Day War had not been fought yet, and the West Bank and the Golan heights were still in Jordanian and Syrian hands. Gaza was being administered by Egypt who really didn’t give a hoot about the nearly million refugees from the 1948 Way of Independence, living on U.N. administered hand-outs.

Although both McCartney and Starr have visited here since that time, they haven’t been here together as the surviving members of what may go down in history as the most successful singing group of all times. In reference to the then government’s fear that the Beatles would corrupt the innocent youth of Israel, that fact that they played in the best concert halls in America and were featured on television programs like the Ed Sullivan show (where Elvis also made his big debut) means that John, Paul, George and Ringo were not considered to be morally corrupting in most places they appeared (expect possibly to a few fundamentalist Christian groups, that is). The other two former Beatles, John Lennon and George Harrison, are now playing their tunes “up above”.

Maybe now the remaining Beatles will finally get the welcome they deserve here, albeit blatantly, like they should have had more than 42 years ago.

When Peoples’ Dreams Go Bad

January 27th, 2008 Maurice

Heftsiba Construction
I never expected to see the spectacle that occurred Friday morning at a local branch of Bank Mizrachi-Tefahot in the city of Netanya. Friday mornings are always are always a bit hectic in banks but what occurred there was completely unexpected as the usual morning sounds were suddenly filled with the shrill blasts of whistles blown by a large group of what appeared to be very unhappy people. When I asked the bank clerk what the commotion was all about, she simply said: “Oh, I think it’s some kind of demonstration.”

And a demonstration it certainly was, as the entrance foyer of the bank, and the passageway to the entrance outside was filled with people shouting, blowing whistles and holding scores of signs and banners. Out on Smilansky Street in front of the back, things were heating up even more, with the demonstrators shouting for people to not only avoid going into the bank, but to close their accounts there as well.

One tall blonde lady, holding a white paper pad with a number of name on it said she was soliciting a petition to put pressure on the banks’ main branch to assist them concerning their being cheated out of their money when they purchased apartments in a project that was being built by the now bankrupt Heftsiba Construction company, which has lately been broadcast considerably in the news.

By this time several police cars had arrived as well as what appeared to by a television news crew to film the event. With all this going on I knew that the was more serious than I had originally thought, especially when a young guy named Daniel pulled me aside and begin explaining what it was all about. He said that he and 126 others had purchased apartments in a project called Green towers located in the new residential area known as Kiryat Hasharon, located not far from Netanya’s academic college. He said that everyone who had purchased apartments from Heftsiba had deposited money in a trust account at Mizrachi-Tefahot and that when the company went bankrupt they tried to obtain their funds from the bank. It was only later that they found out that the monies that were supposed to be kept in for them had been given by the bank to Heftsiba to pay off the company’s numerous creditors. Heftsiba’s CEO, Boaz Yona is still incarcerated in Milan Italy while legal proceedings continue to have him extradited to Israel to face numerous charges of fraud and larceny concerning unfinished building projects all over Israel, including Netanya.

Daniel said that although the issue was taken to court, and a compromise solution was worked out concerning completing the building project, it wasn’t acceptable by him and the other purchasers since they would be required to pay an additional N.S. 500,000 each. I asked Daniel who had worked out the compromise plan, and he answered immediately: “It was done through the offices of the bank’s CEO Eli Younis in Tel Aviv. And even if all of Boaz Yona’s personal assets are liquidated, they wouldn’t be enough to pay even a part of what his company owes us”.

“To make matters worse, many people are literally living in the streets, as they sold their apartments to purchase the new one in Green Towers. Many of us are now paying a mortgage payment to Mizrachi-Tefahot as well as rental payments for temporary housing, and we don’t have any property to look forward to”, Daniel continued. And Daniel and his unfortunate fellow purchasers are wondering if they’ll ever see either their money or receive the keys to a newly completed apartment.

And until that day should come, they will continue to meet every Friday morning in front of the bank, armed with petitions, placards, and their whistles.

Great Canadian Mural Mosaic

January 16th, 2008 Editor

Canadian Mural MosaicCochrane is only about 15 miles from Calgary so if you’re ever up to Calgary, take a side trip and go see this booming town. This mural is a sight to behold.

*If you look at each tile individually, you can see how different each tile is. Someone assembled all the tiles to form one large mural, which was unveiled in September. Each tile is 1 foot square, is its own Individual picture and each is by a different artist. Together they Form the huge mural.

*You can click on each of the tiles to see them in detail. You might want to check out the horse’s eye. Simply amazing. I had to go back and look at the complete mural really carefully….because I could not believe the tile they used to do the horse’s eye. There all amazing. Enjoy!!

Click Here To Visit!

Who is Barack Obama

January 10th, 2008 Omer

I read the comments and emails that came in and I agree. This isn’t right and I can’t back any of this up.
The Post has been removed !

The Urban Legend is at snopes.com

Sex Survey Reveals Bedroom Secrets of Israeli Women

January 9th, 2008 Maurice

A recent survey conducted by one of Israel’s largest universities revealed some interesting facts regarding the sexual habits of Israeli women. Conducted by a group headed by Dr. Mayanet Shenhar, a prominent sexologist, the study interviewed women from several age groups as well as from various social and cultural backgrounds. Following the interviews, conducted over a period of several months, the following findings were revealed:

1. Only about 57% of all women interviewed said they could manage to achieve a satisfying orgasm during coitus.
2. More than 50% of younger women interviewed preferred to have without use of a condom. This revelation appeared to be despite the danger of AIDS/HIV and other sexual transmitted diseases.
3. 80% of the women interviewed believed that (male) organ size is important to achieve proper sexual satisfaction (who doesn’t think this?).
4. Only 23% of Israeli women use sexual enhancers such as vibrators.

In an interview on an Israeli Channel 10 morning program, Dr. Shenhar and Dr. Arik Schecter, a Haifa based sexologist specializing in sexual dysfunction among individuals and couples, both noted that most women interviewed prefer to have “light’s out” sex or sex performed in the dark. They also said that cultural and religious backgrounds affect the women’s likelihood to want to ‘experiment’ during sex and prefer to practice only a few basic sexual positions.

What was interesting was that eating chocolate appears to enhance sexual desire. This could come from the amount of caffeine and cocoa powder present. In fact, scientific studies have been made in which it has been found that eating chocolate helps to enhance desire in women by decreasing premenstrual tension. Women will low libidos (sexual desire) were found to become much more amorous after eating chocolate.

While no real earthshaking revelations came out of this survey, i.e. as compared to women in European countries for example, it does indicate that the sexual habits of Israeli women are not unlike women living in the U.K. or North America. Israeli women’s sexual habits are naturally more liberal than those in surrounding countries who are much more restricted by religious and cultural taboos.

For those who may be interested, a “sextival” or sex festival is being planned next month at the Tel Aviv Port area, in which various sexual enhancing products will be displayed and “seminars” will conducted involving overcoming sexual problems. The 3 day event is being put on by one of the country’s top fashion models, who is also a regular television personality.

No doubt, many of the women interviewed in the above survey will be attending the festival. If they don’t, the men in their lives probably will.

Happy.. hic!.. new civil year

January 1st, 2008 DGH

Damn, i hope it’ll be civil. (Direct translation joke — from the Hebrew “shana ezrachit”, meaning the not-specifically-Jewish year, as also counted in the dateline in Israel.)

So, last night, December 31 2007, for the first time in… oh, must be at least a hundred years, i tarted up my 38-year-old booty and headed out to party like it was 1999. Or 2007, whatever.

Yes, last night, I strutted my funky stuff on the dance floor, blew streamers and drank cheap sparkly booze masquerading not terribly convincingly as champagne at the stroke of midnight. (I had one sip, i am NOT a “ma’afan” and i do NOT drink and drive thank you very much — and it was disgusting.)

It’s so bizarre, the notion of celebrating the New Year — and then coming into work the next day. Memories, albeit dim, and distant memories, of partying literally until i dropped at a friend-of-a-friend’s house, falling asleep where i lay, and waking up the following morning stiff and bleary, with a general feeling of — as someone once marvelously coined it — “as if I’ve been slept in”.

It’s been a while, put it that way.

I was at a club for the “Over-30s”. An assignation for which I, unfortunately, qualify, and have done for eight-nearly-nine years. And as we boogied and shimmied (and, in my case, some rather over-enthusiastic jiving and an extremely poorly-executed set of twirls with my inebriated and wonderful friends Lara and Yanca), I reflected on why on earth we were there.

So it’s a new year. Big fat hairy deal. Like i give a shit. Here I am, speeding head-first towards 40, with no respite or time off for good behavior. Why should I care that the year has changed, since all it heralds for me is the ominous looming of the big four-oh?

Any excuse for a party? Yeah, well, maybe. Exercise? Sure.

Well, whatever. Champagne always did make me feel gloomy. The cheaper the champers, the more maudlin my mood. Ignore my downer, and have a good new year, y’all. May it bring us all continued good health to those who have it, significantly improved health to those who don’t, peace, prosperity and if anyone who runs the universe is reading, i wouldn’t mind a lottery win or two…

PS. Why is it called “Sylvester”? Read all about it here.

Happy New Year 2008

December 31st, 2007 Editor

It has become a tradition here at OJ to post the Year In Review from Jib Jab. It’s nice to see that the Middle East is always in there. ..
Thank you to our readers, writers and friends and for making this another great year.
Wishing you a Very Happy New Year - Peace, happiness and may everything you wish for come true.

EB


In 2007 | Funny Jokes at JibJab