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Tag: Muammar el-Qaddafi

Gerneral Qadaffi and his Gigantic MegloPhone

Mr. Qadaffi the megalomaniacal trickster of old Libya is threatening Europe. European “homes, offices, families,” that is, unless old NATO ceases airstrikes on his regime – airstrikes that have also inadvertently claimed the lives of civilians of the rebellion.

His life sought by the International Criminal Court, Mr. Qadaffi, delivered the warning in an audio message played to thousands of supporters gathered in central Green Square of Tripoli.

Impressively, Señor Qadaffi can still pack the crowds into the square for a reassuring show of solidarity with the Machavellian tyrant.

The Libyan lord said:

“These people (the Libyans) are able to one day take this battle … to Europe, to target your homes, offices, families, which would become legitimate military targets, like you have targeted our homes…We can decide to treat you in a similar way…If we decide to, we are able to move to Europe like locusts, like bees. We advise you to retreat before you are dealt a disaster.”

The International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Qadaffi, his son Seif al-Islam and Libyan intelligence chief Abdullah al-Sanoussi for crimes against humanity.

On Friday during his Green Square rant Qadaffi said Libyans who fled to neighboring Tunisia are “working as maids for the Tunisians…What brought you to this stage? The traitors…”

He urged supporters to “march on the western mountains” clearing the region of weapons the French government delivered to the rebels there several days ago.

The Arab Winter

Characters:
Hugo ChavezVenezuela
Hosni MubarakEgypt
Bashir al-AssadSyria
Muamar el-QadaffiLibya
Mahmoud AhmadinejadIran
Hassan NasrallahHezbollah
Ismayil HaniyahHamas

Chavez, Mubarak, Assad, Qadaffi and Ahmadinejad are sitting around a table in a mysterious location holding a secret meeting.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Allah hu’Ahbar my brothers!

Chorus: Allahu hu’Ahbar!

Hugo Chavez: (smoking a cigar) yes, yes, haha, yes! Allah…haha.

Hosni Mubarak: Ahhh. Why did this happen to me? (groan, groan)

Bashir al-Assad: What is bothering old Hosni?

Muamar el-Qadaffi: Ah, dear boy Bashir. It is the tragic cry of humiliation.

Ahmadinejad: Humiliation! Ha! It is merely humility before Allah!
(rocket explodes in the background)

Mubarak: ahhh! Why! Oh, Allah!

Qadaffi: Hosni has been overthrown by his own people! A throne usurped by its subjects! He put too much trust in Israel and the Americans.

Assad: If this happened to me, my father, Allah bless his soul, would curse my spirit!

Mubarak: Father! Father! My kingdom! My kingdom! Why! Allah! (weeping still)

Ahmadinejad: This will never happen to me, en sh’allah! Those American dogs will never get me! Not with my nuclear arsenal, nor yours Muamar! (turns to Qadaffi) Are not the Americans Zionist dogs?

Qadaffi: (nose begins to bleed) Aye! Dogs indeed! Dogs indeed. But who said anything about a nuclear program?

(Hosni Mubarak gets up and begins to walk around on all fours and bark like a dog)

Ahmadinejad: (looks strangely at Mubarak) The one Nicolas Sarkozy of France built for you.

Qadaffi: (takes off his sunglasses) Oh, yes THAT nuclear program! Now I seem to remember. Hosni! Are you a Muslim? Get off the ground, you are a Muslim not a dog!

Ahmadinejad: Crazy Zionist children of the devil!

Assad: Mubarak, you have lost your mind! You have no idea how to maintain control of your people!
(something explodes in the background)

Qadaffi: This is easy for you to say young Bashir because you have nothing that interests the Americans! They will never assist a coup in your country!

Assad: Nothing? Like what?

Ahmadinejad: Like what? Like oil, that’s what!

Qadaffi: Aye! Oil! Nevertheless, it will never happen to me, hamsa hamsa hamsa.

(something else explodes in the background, goes ignored. The sound of pigs screaming.)

(Mubarak cries, falls on his stomach, begins to weep)

Mubarak: Wh-w-what was THAT?

(Hugo Chavez stands up and begins kissing Assad)

Qadaffi: Chavez, our Catholic friend. Bashir! What are you two doing? Hugo, do you have cigars for everyone?
(Chavez pulls out some cigars)

Assad: (stops kissing Hugo Chavez. Haha. Takes a cigar from Chavez’s hand). I will take the fattest juiciest one of all!)

Ahmadinejad: (Also takes a cigar) No cigar for Mubarak! (looks down at Hosni Mubarak on the floor). You Egyptian child!

Qadaffi: (Also looks at Mubarak) No cigars for you from Uncle Chavez.
(enter Ismayil Haniyeh and Hassan Nasrallah)

Haniyeh: Allah hu-Ahbar.

Nasrallah: Allah hu-Ahbar! Maharba, my brothers!

Chorus: Allah hu-Ahbar. Allah is great. Only Allah!

(all in the room get up from the table and shake the two terrorist leaders’ hands. Mubarak is shaking on the floor. Urin has stained his pants).

Nasrallah: We heard you were having a party so we decided to join!
(Mubarak is coughing and choking on the cigar smoke in the room…he is mumbling something to himself in Hebrew)

Ahmadinejad: (looks at Mubarak) Someone shut this dog up!

(Nasrallah and Haniyeh drag Mubarak and begin beating him. Qadaffi gets a kick in as well. As they do so they take cigars from Hugo Chavez and fire them up).

Mubarak: (crying) Why! Why!

Qadaffi: You are suffering because you trusted those American Zionist dogs!

(something else explodes in the background. The sound of women screaming is heard and sheep crying)

A voice from outside: Open up! It is the Americans! We have you all surrounded!

Ahmadinejad: (proudly smoking his cigar) that’s alright! You cannot stop this Jihad!)

(gets up and begins thrusting his crotch with his hands behind his head, as if dancing to Hip-Hop)

Oh no, no baby no! You cannot stop this Jihad, yo!

(more knocking on the door)

Voices: Open up punks or we’ll smoke this whole complex!

Qadaffi: We are not going anywhere! Let’s all sing a song!

(more banging on the door from outside, the sound of dogs barking, an explosion)

Different Voice: Open up at once! This is the NATO forces!

Assad: What song? (pinches Hugo Chavez’s ass)

Chorus (and Mubarak): (all holding hands and swaying to a familiar Arabic tune)

(A grenade falls into the room…KAPOW!)

The End

Libya Falls Into It

LibyaOn Tuesday, Colonel Muammar el-Qaddafi promised “To fight to the last drop of blood” as clashes intensified between loyalists and rebels in Tripoli. The latter claimed they consolidated their clutch over a chain of cities across half of the country’s 1,000 mile Mediterranean coast. The fiercest fighting happened in Tripoli. Qaddafi-loyal forces drove through the streets shooting at will from the backs of pickup trucks.

As a result, 62 were confirmed dead in the capitol, and 500 people killed elsewhere, mostly in the eastern city of Benghazi, the geographic flashpoint for the uprising.

LibyaThe Colonel appeared twice on state television, speaking from his Tripoli residence on the grounds of an army barracks. In his address, he said all who challenge the government “deserved to die.” He blamed the situation on “foreign hands,” brainwashing, people distributing pills, and the naivety of youngsters to imitate the uprisings in Tunisia and Egypt.

Speaking in third-person, his rhetoric showed delusions of grandeur:

“Muammar Qaddafi is history, resistance, liberty, glory, revolution…”

Similar situations have swept across the Middle East in recent weeks, toppling autocratic regimes in Tunisia and Egypt and challenging those in Yemen, Bahrain and elsewhere.

Born in 1942, Muammar el-Gaddafi has been in power in Libya for forty years. He funded Black September, the terrorist organization who murdered the eleven Israeli athletes during the Munich Summer Olympics in1972.

According to the New York Times he is:

“The financier of an eclectic array of guerrilla groups around the globe, he was responsible, according to Western intelligence, for many of the deadliest terrorist attacks in the mid-80s, including the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that killed 270.”

A tricky politician, though, the New York Times says:

“In an about-face to the West, Colonel Gaddafi has re-established diplomatic and economic ties throughout Europe. He has also changed with regard to Israel. The man who once called for pushing the ”Zionists” into the sea advocates the forming of one nation where Jews and Palestinians would live together in peace.”

Colonel Gaddafi founded a pan-African confederation modeled by the European Union. On February 2, 2009, he was named chairman of the African Union. However, in August 2009, the Colonel drew criticism from the American government with his exultant reaction to the release of Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi from prison, the one man convicted in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. Mr. Megrahi was given a hero’s welcome upon arriving in Libya, and Gaddafi thanked Scottish and British officials for releasing him. The Britons looked dumb to the West.

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