OneJerusalem.com

a different side of Israel

Tag: Swine Flu

Kissing a Mezuza Risks Swine Flu? Doctors Say Yes

swine flu virusIn a country where it’s a nearly ubiquitous custom to kiss a Mezuzah upon entering and exiting a building, at a time when said country is all up in arms about Swine Flu, is probably a bad combination. But the question has already been asked. Can kissing a Mezuzah contribute to the spread of the disease?

What’s the need for the question? Of course yes. Flu is extremely contagious, and it stands to reason that an object that collects bits of saliva from passersby can function like a hub for H1N1. But the Rabbis were asked anyway. Sephardic Chief Rabbi Shlomo Amar had this to say on the subject, “If a specific order is given in the matter, the mezuzah must be kissed from the air, to ensure that the custom is not forgotten.” That’s a pretty fair compromise, but why must an order be given? We all know that the flu spreads from salivary contact. Do we need an order to tell us so?

Dr Ilan YoungsterMeanwhile, six out of seven doctors interviewed on the subject declined to comment about Mezuzahs in particular, for fear of getting in trouble with the Rabbis. No comment. There was only one doctor brave enough to tell the truth. Kissing Mezuzahs (sans Rabbi Amar’s air-kissing technique) increases the spread of Swine Flu, is dangerous, and people should refrain from doing it. His name is Ilan Youngster, and he based his warning on research he presented a year and a half ago sampling 70 Mezuzahs, which all turned out to contain many dangerous bacteria.

“Perhaps,” he continued, “because of the fact that the mezuzah is a religious object, people are afraid to sterilize it.”

Rabbi Amar responded to Youngster’s recommendation with ambivalence. On the one hand, he didn’t want the Health Ministry to issue an advisory against the practice, however, he recommended that anyone who wants to follow Youngster’s advice, “…put his hand near the mezuzah and kiss it, so as not to miss out on this good and important custom.”

I would ask Rabbi Amar about the commandment of “shmor et nafsheha” which is a Biblical obligation that a Jew watch over his health and well being, which I’m guessing should override a mere custom, but Amar wasn’t available for comment. I also didn’t call him for one either, for fear of getting in trouble with the Rabbis.

Kabbalists Trumpet Swine Flu to Death

Good news! A whole group of famous Kabbalist Rabbis have decided to do away with swine flu and protect Israel. Have they decided to be an example to others by condemning the attack on Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat’s car? Or perhaps call for mutual understanding in the case of the Safra Square parking lot instead of rioting and burning garbage and attacking sanitation workers? No, no.

TrumpetsTheir solution: Fly around the country while tooting trumpets and shofars, in order to envelope the Holyland in a virus-tight hermetically sealed spiritual shield. No, we are not joking. But we are laughing, and inside, crying softly over the deterioration of Judaism into an irrelevant voodoo joke.

While interviewed, the Rabbis had a bit of trouble saying the word “swine,” which, for some reason unknown to us here, is a bad word. Instead, they called it “the plague” and “the Mexican flu.” This is probably because swine is not kosher. Yet the thought occurs, what if the Bible had refrained from using the word swine itself, and instead forbidden the eating of Mexicans?

Also, we wonder what would have happened if, heaven forbid, the plane had crashed with all the top-rated Kabbalists on it? My mother always told me never to put all your Kabbalists in one basket, or plane, as the case may be. Who would be the spiritual leaders then? Perhaps saner Rabbis who have a moral message that is relevant to our lives.

And what did they ever do before airplanes when enveloping an entire country in a spiritual trumpet-induced shield was impossible? Perhaps they actually provided a leading voice of understanding, morality, and good will that people could listen to and take seriously. But now, I guess it’s all techno-trumpeting.

We hope it works out. But something tells us it’s a waste of good trumpets.

Poor Piggy

Just a bad time to be a pig….


Poor Piggy

© 2020 OneJerusalem.com

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑