By Denis Schulz.
When Jed Clampett heard that Arnold Ziffle needed a life saving operation he wrote out a check for $100; when Elvernie Bradshaw needed a breast reduction he chipped in ten bucks even though the very idea had him shaking his head; and when floodwaters threatened the folks on Coonskin Creek, Jed hustled down there, filled hundreds-if not thousands-of sand bags and got wet to the bone. But it one measures Jed by the standards set by Saudi Barbaria’s Royal Family for mastering the art of Noblesse Oblige Jed rates somewhere between skinflint and piker. Sure, he’s ahead of Jack Benny and Ebenezer Scrooge but he’s light years behind Islamo-fascist Royal Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal. Now there’s a man who knows how to throw money around!
When the World Trade Center came crashing down, Al-Waleed hastened to New York City to offer Mayor Rudy Giuliani $10 million to help the survivors of the massacre put their lives back together(Al-Waleed is worth $23 billion, Forbes magazine rates him the sixth richest person in the world. And it’s all because “up from the ground came a-bubbling crude”) It was an incredible humanitarian gesture! Ten million dollars!
A great example of Noblesse Oblige! And all Rudy Giuliani had to do for that ten mil was to accept a few words of advice from al-Waleed. “I believe the government of the United States should re-examine its policies in the Middle East and adopt a more balanced stance toward the Palestinian cause” instructed the Prince. “Our Palestinian brethren continue to be slaughtered at the hands of the Israelis while the world turns the other cheek.”
Jed wrote out his check for Arnold Ziffle without saying a word. Now, that’s Noblesse Oblige!
Al-Walid’s little speech was a big mistake. It would have played better at the United Nations or in Yasser Arafat’s fuhrerbunker, but this was the Big Apple. Maybe he mistook Giuliani for Ward Churchill and got Winston instead.
His Honor rejected the offer. He said there was no justification for the 9/11 attacks. He should have thrown the Islamo-fascist rat-bag out on his butt-or into the Gowanus Canal. So bin Talal took his $10 million back to Saudi Barbaria and used it to build mosques and Mad-Rats-Asses schools where more psychotic Mad Mullahs can preach hatred of America and Israel and where, no doubt, Allah has turned Giuliani into an ape or a pig.
Uncle Jed was not only a humanitarian-he was also quite a conservationist. He donated $50 to keep the Possum Day Parade alive and another $10 to the Otter Creek Possum Preserve. Nonetheless, Uncle Jed’s seeming largesse in philanthropic matters has been dwarfed by bin Talal. Jed had mere millions; bin Talal has billions and he doesn’t pay taxes. It is not known if al-Walid ever stared a possum in the face but he has donated a half a million dollars to the possum-faces at CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations). CAIR claims the money was needed to defend Islam against American bigotry.
Thousands of books on the educational and cultural delights of Islam were purchased and sent to 3,000 American libraries. (The Otter Creek Possum Preserve is more deserving) There are no copies of the Bible in Saudi Barbarian libraries-they are haram-and anyone possessing a Talmud without intention to burn will get the possessor a hiding if not a beheading.
Milburn Drysdale, President of the First Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills, introduced Jed Clampett to Howard Hughes, a man Jed really wanted to meet. Jed had heard about the Spruce Goose but he was sorely disappointed to learn the famous Goose was made out of wood and would not be fit to eat no matter how many collard greens Granny tossed into the pot. There were other disappointments.
Nobody has to take bin Talal to meet anybody-petrodollars speak. He goes where he pleases, sees whomever he wishes; everybody pays homage to bin Talal: from Bashar al-Assad to Kofi Annan at the UN. He owns 5.5 percent of FOX News; is heavily invested in Eurodisney; owns a part of almost everything; so when bin Talal speaks, the Stock Market trembles.
When FOX News ran a headline reading ‘Muslims riot,’ Al-Waleed got on the horn to Rupert Murdoch. “Within 30 minutes,” bragged the Prince of Saudi Barbaria, “the title was changed from “Muslims riot” to “civil riots”. Ah, if only Giuliani had been on the other end of the line-or Jed Clampett in the next room with a shotgun loaded with rock salt.
Do good things never end for bin Talal’s beneficiaries? Well-apparently not. Just the other day, two prestigious American universities, Harvard and Georgetown, announced they had received $20 million in donations from-who else-bin Talal! Harvard will use the petrodollars to create a university-wide program of Islamic Studies; Islamic Art, Islamic Math, Islamic Science-the flat earth theory; Islamic Women’s Studies with hijab fashion shows on alternating Thursdays.
Steven E. Hyman, Harvard’s provost, said, “For a university with global aspirations, it is critical that Harvard have a strong program on Islam that is worldwide and interdisciplinary in scope.” Bin Talal paid $20 million for that? He was snookered. Harvard is full of Neville Chamberlains and Edouard Daladiers. They would have sold out for less than $10 million.
The Georgetown gift was the second largest it has ever received. The Hoyas will use the $20 million to expand their Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding. And lookie here-they are going to rename the center the H.R.H. Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding! Who would have thought! Sorry, John Esposito, Muslims don’t respect dhimmis no matter how spineless they are.
What does this latest display of Royal Family, Islamo-fascist Noblesse Oblige mean? Well, for one thing, Georgetown and Harvard will go on Jed Clampett’s list of educational institutions-along with DePaul, Ann Arbor, Berkeley, and Chapel Hill-not to be attended by Jethro Bodine. Besides-Jed had already heard about Harvard and it wasn’t good. Sam Drucker had told him there weren’t enough hickory switches in all of Cambridge to drive the PC bastards and their Muslim running dogs into the Back Bay.
The differences between Jed Clampett and Al-Waleed in their eleemosynary habits are not only cultural and spiritual-they are mutually exclusive. Jed did things out of the goodness of his heart; bin Talal dispenses his wealth to further the cause of Islam. Jed believed in freedom and democracy; bin Talal promotes slavery and oppression.
When Arnold Ziffle recovered from his life-saving operation, Uncle Jed gave him a great, big, wet kiss. Would bin Talal have done that? Okay, okay!
Arnold would never let a creep like bin Talal get close to him! Gosh! It was only a question! This is not an exact science!