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Exclusive: News headlines from the future!

July 20
  • Monday: Barack Obama arrives in Jerusalem. A new state’s witness is claiming he saw Senator Obama handing PM Olmert a fat white envelope.
  • Tuesday: Gilad Shalit’s IDF comrades disposed today of their olive uniforms after 3 long years, as they reenter civic life. Nothing funny to say about this.
  • Wednesday: In their Washington meeting, Israeli Chief of Staff Gabi Ashkenazi and his American counterpart Admiral Mullen allude at a nearing strike on Iran. Oil prices reach 150$ a barrel.
  • Thursday: Minister of the Interior, Meir Shetrit, endorses the construction of a new Arab city in the Galilee. He also promises to give away free Hershey bars every sunday until the coming primaries.