a different side of Israel

Tag: Jokes

Getting to Know You

Human Narration on

OK….that was way more fun than I thought it would be!

It seemed like as good a way as any to let you all know the latest news, and it was actually way more fun that I’d anticipated. Humor me, indulge me, and read it even if you don’t comment…


Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends. Change all the answers so they apply to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6 am. It was a mistake.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds. Yeah, baby.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Bee Movie, with the Trolls.

4. What is your favourite TV show? So many shows, so little space.
Currently making a point of catching up on the last series of Six Feet Under, and the as-yet-unreleased-in-Israel series of Dr Who.
Loves me some Torrentz.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee, vegetables and 5% white cheese.

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Who Let The Jews Out!

This is a greeting sent to us from some friends (Hat Tip: Bili)

What Do I Make?

This is for all those teachers who are back at school. I heard on Internet radio today…

A young teacher had been invited to the house of one of his students for dinner. The father was a high-powered CEO and quite a wealthy man. Perhaps too much wine was served with dinner or perhaps it was just the father’s personality, but as the desert was being served, he asked the teacher “what’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided that the best he could do in life was be a teacher? After all, those who can, DO. Those who can’t, teach.”

The young teacher paused as he was about to put a forkful of apple pie into his mouth. Without looking at his host, he set his fork down.

“I mean, let’s tell the truth,” said the CEO, “last year, my production companies grossed over two million dollars. What do you make?”

“What do I make?” asked the young teacher. “I make kids feel good about themselves. I make the C- student know that he can be an A+ student with a little help and effort. I make kids and their parents see the best in themselves. I make kids know what it is to work hard to improve yourself. I make kids see an adult worthy of respect. I make kids see that they can make a difference in the world. I make kids do and re-do and re-do again because getting it right isn’t easy and it’s important. I make kids wonder about the world. I make them apologize when they should apologize. I make them respect other people. I make them think about how people should be judged.”

The teacher paused and continued. “I make them so excited about learning that years later they’ll come back to visit me just to tell me how they’ve done. I make them realize that those who can’t teach are forced to find less rewarding forms of work.”

Putting a piece of pie on his fork and looking his host in the eye, he concluded:

“I make a difference in the lives of students… what do YOU make?”

The New JPhone

Once in a while you come across some funny sites and this is one of them. I liked this JPhone video and there are some great jokes there as well, like this one..

An Al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, “Do you have water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”

The Arab shouted, “Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first.”

“OK,” said the old Jew, “it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom.”

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. “Your brother won’t let me in without a tie.”

Three Labs

Three Labrador Retrievers — one Chocolate, one yellow and one black were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s when they struck up a conversation.
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, “So why are you here?”
The brown Lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my Owner’s’ bed.”
The black Lab said, “So what is the vet going to do?”
“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the chocolate Lab. “They reckon it’ll calm me down.”
The black Lab then turned to the yellow Lab and asked, “Why are you here?”
The yellow Lab said, “I’m a digger. I dig Under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner’s couch.”
“So what are they going to do to you?” the black Lab inquired.
“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too”. The dejected yellow Lab said
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, “Why are you here?”
“I’m a humper,” the black Lab said. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.” Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower, and as she was bending down to dry her toes I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away”.
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, “So, nuts off for you too, huh?”
The black Lab said! . “No , I’m here to get my nails clipped.”

Ten Minutes Of Laughter Guaranteed !

There are tons of funny video clips out there and so when I get an email from someone claiming that they have “the funniest video clip online” attached, I am a little skeptic. Well. Let me tell you something, this is a clip that is guaranteed to make you laugh. If you are watching this at work, please make sure the office door is closed or that there is no one around to hear you laugh because you can really lose control here..

Hat Tip:

Have a great week 🙂

Hollywood Blockbusters Starring Israel’s Political Stars

Amir Peretz and Shelly Yechimovitz in Grease
I got this from a few different sources and some of these are good. You can see here some of Israel’s leading politicians in different film roles. This was circulating as an election and Purim gag. Shimon Peres stars in Peres Gump, Amir Peretz and Shelly Yechimovitz star in Grease and Shaul Mofaz is 007 to mention a few..

Click HERE to see the full PowerPoint presentation. More images Here.

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Points to consider

** If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
** A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
** Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
** He who hesitates is probably right.
** Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. . Continue reading

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