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Tag: Satire

ONEJERUSALEM SPECIAL: Peace Summit 2010

Part II: Sharm El Sheikh

Clinton: Welcome back kids. Barack stayed home to focus on his square-dancing lessons and dupe some environmentalists.

Peace TalksAbbas: Bless his heart. We’re not too concerned about the environment in Palestine either.

Netanyahu: That’s OK Hillary – I think that you can handle this.

Clinton: Thank you Bibi. You start.

Netanyahu: I have one demand before we begin!

Abbas: What’s that? – umm, Hillary could you please put down the hookah for a second – it is rather distracting.

Clinton: But I wanted to Walk Like an Egyptian. haha.
(Netanyahu shoots her a strange look)
(Abbas takes the hookah out of her hand)

Netanyahu: I demand that the Palestinians recognize Israel as a Jewish state!

Abbas: A Jewish State?

Clinton: (coughs) A wha?

Netanyahu: Yes! A Jewish state.

Abbas: haha. That is ridiculous! But the Muslims! The Christians…oh my, oh my.

Netanyahu: Well Mahmoud, firstly I find it a double-standard to demand a Palestinian State where Jews are not allowed to build settlements, alongside a Jewish state where Muslims, Christians, Druze and whoever, are given complete liberty to do as they please. Even serve in our Knesset!

Abbas: Why you—

Netanyahu: Hold on Mahmoud. Hillary, PLEASE PUT DOWN THE HOOKAH! I have something else to say. There will be no extension to a halt on West Bank housing!

Abbas: But you said—

Netanyahu: I made no promises!

Hillary: That means no spaceship Benjamin!

Netanyahu: So be it! No spaceship! The settlements are more important!

Abbas: No building freeze no deal!

Netanyahu: With all due respect Mahmoud, Israel really does not need anything from you in order to thrive. Hamas poses as big a threat to your own people as it does to mine!

Abbas: I cannot control what Ham—

Netanyahu: You’ll learn to control it!

Hillary: That’s enough! Benjamin you are being—
(Abbas jumps over the table and begins to choke Netanyahu)

Hillary: Ahh, help help, Mahmoud is trying to kill Bibi!

Netanyahu: GET…YOUR…HANDS…OFF….MY THROAT MAN!
(fixes his tie)

Netanyahu: This is ridiculous. You cannot expect me to make a deal with an animal! What should I build a zoo for you?

Hillary: Benjamin! Be reasonable!

Netanyahu: You want reason? We do not even have a seat in the United Nations. Now I ask YOU Miss Secretary of State, is THAT reasonable?

Hillary: What’s that got to do with it?

Abbas: hahaha.

Netanyahu: You two are nuts! Listen, the United Nations partitioned a “Jewish State” in 1947 alongside an Arab State. I think you two will recall UN GA Resolution 181! The Arabs are the ones who refused it!

Abbas: (lunges at Benjamin again…Hillary holds him back) I will remember nothing you liar!

Hillary: (eyes roll and shrugs helplessly at the sky as if IT provides the answer) Oy voy voy, this is going no where!

Hitler’s Parking Dilemma

A satirical video clip that supposedly depicts Hitler being enraged over the parking problems in Tel Aviv is gaining wide momentum, as well as several complaints by Holocaust survivors.

The makers of the clip took a scene from the 2004 movie “Downfall” and invented new subtitles in Hebrew. In fact, there are over 20 different versions of this clip, each depicting a different satirical scenario.

Someone translated the “Hitler’s looking for parking” subtitles to English, and this is the result:

Chronicle of a Death Foretold

The hugely popular sketch comedy show “Eretz Nehederet” (translated as “A Wonderful Land”) was exceptionally satiric and keen last week, several days after the current war began. Since then they’ve been pulled off the air, because Channel 2 believes it’s inappropriate to broadcast live entertainment during wartime.

This is a very talked-about sketch from last week’s show. In it, an Ehud Barak (Minister of Defense) impersonator explains the projected phases of war.

Thanks Lisa for translating!

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